Self-Compassion Simply Means To Have Compassion For Yourself.
The definition of self-compassion is the same as that of compassion. Just that we extend this love and understanding to ourselves. We know that sometimes we might feel inadequate or have a bad day. Instead of judging ourselves for being weak and criticizing our shortcomings, we care and accept ourselves for who we are.
What are the top 3 elements of Self-Compassion?
• Common Humanity
Self-Kindness is about being gentle with oneself. You know that you aren’t perfect and you allow yourself to make mistakes without being angry at yourself. You love yourself unconditionally are less critical on yourself.
Common Humanity is about realizing that all human suffer, fail and struggle. This is part of our shared human experience. We aren’t the only one who has flaws and failures. The empathy you have for others can be extended to yourself too.
Mindfulness is about observing our emotions and thoughts without judging them as negative or suppress and deny their existence. It’s also about maintaining a space between you the observer and your thoughts and emotions.
Self-Compassion Increases Overall Life Satisfaction And Happiness.
Self-compassion helps you to feel more connected with others and maintain healthy relationships. When you feel like you are the only one that is imperfect, you feel disconnected from others and an unwillingness to share your shame and troubles. This affects your social life because you isolate yourself from others for fear of being judged. People who cultivate self-compassion don’t wait for others to validate their self-worth and seek approval from others. They give themselves the love and affirmations that they need. This is the power of self-compassion.
How to Practice Self-Compassion and Be Kind to Yourself?
Developing self-compassion takes practices. Even though human beings have this innate ability to be compassionate, some of us have forgotten or been taught out of it. Achieving our goals and building our self-image have become increasingly more important than treating ourselves nice!
Being Kind To Yourself
Be your own best friend. Compare how you treat your friend with how you treat yourself. What’s the difference? Most of us treat our friends better than ourselves. When our friends make a mistake, we tell them it’s okay. But when we make the same mistake, it’s unforgivable. Deep down inside, we already know what compassion is. Just that we do it so naturally for others that we don’t always notice it.
Observe How You Treat Your Friends.
This allows you to see what compassion is and how you can do the same for yourself.
• What flaws do your friends have that you are willing to accept?
• How willing are you to listen to your friends’ complains and problems?
• How do you comfort your friends when they are having a tough time?
• Can you do the same for yourself?
Practice Being Kind To Yourself – Change Your Negative Self-Talk.
Compassionate self-talk has two elements. One is the language you use and the other is the tone of delivery. When your inner child is hurting, using words like “should” and calling yourself names or beating yourself up doesn’t help. They just aggravate your suffering. You already know that you had made a mistake.
Telling Yourself Harshly That You Are Wrong Doesn’t Undo Your Mistakes.
Even though your inner critic might have good intention, the tone of delivery can be too harsh and unbearable. It’s up to us to not take it personally and to reframe what the inner critic tells us.
For example, if your inner critic blames you for being lazy for not exercising, take the judgment off of yourself and focus on the issue at hand. You can tell yourself, “Yes, I could have exercised in the morning. It’s important for me to move my body” without blaming and judging yourself.
Decide What Matters Most
Ask yourself again and again, does this matter?
To have self-compassion, you need to have a mindset change. Self-compassion is not self-indulgence or selfish. Everyone is imperfect and vulnerable in their own ways. We all have our critical voices and challenges to deal with.
1. Be the person who knows the difference
2. Be the person who can tell what is serious and what is not
3. Be the person with a long fuse who thinks things through
Do The Next Right Thing
You made a mistake. A real blunder. You said the wrong thing, you made the wrong move. What do you do? The answer is simple.
You do the next right thing!
If you don’t like the outcome of the action you took, do the next right thing now. You were entirely inappropriate. Do the next right thing, now. Decide what kind of person you want to be and ask yourself what that person would do in your situation.
When other people make mistakes, we can see how their circumstances have caused them to make those mistakes. Especially if you have known someone for a long time and know their character, forgiving them is easy. But when we make mistakes, we have a tendency to focus too much on ourselves, and not on the behavior. We know ourselves longer than we know others. Our minds remind us of all the mistakes we had made in our lives. It’s easy for us to rely upon and judge ourselves based on our past self-beliefs and exaggerate the importance of the mistakes we make.
Be a good observer of what you do great, and do more of that.
Self-awareness is key when it comes to self-compassion. Perhaps before you can have self-compassion, you have to ask yourself who you are.
• Are you the critic? The one who is constantly nagging you and telling you that you aren’t good enough.
• Are you the victim? The one who feels not good enough and is always being criticized for its mistakes.
• Or are you the observer? The one who notices the criticism and the suffering it creates.
Watch for when you are at your best, and be mindful of how you got there. Work to do more of this.
Assume Positive Intent
Self-compassion can be done wrongly too if you don’t start with the right intention. Unconscious, inadvertent, and unintentional are three words that Dr. Harry Cohen finds incredibly helpful. All of us occasionally do things that are unconscious, inadvertent or unintentional. Although we strive to be deliberate and direct, we sometimes screw up. Cut yourself the same slack you cut others!